Thankful Friday: It’s the end of the week again. November 20, 2009

This week my mind has been full of opportunity and things I want to do. There is a clear picture forming in my mind and I have started to draw it all up in my diary. It is really exciting for me and the best is that it is all so utterly achievable. And this trust in opportunity and possibility is definitely the reason I am most thankful this week. I still get freaked out by my courage (like yesterday when I posted the link to my photography website on facebook) but the moments don’t last that long anymore and have lost much of their power.

Many other reasons to be thankful for:

• Anthony has a freelance gig in London for two weeks which will recoup one month salary (now month 4 of not being paid by his employer). It is great financially but also great for his CV, his confidence and his experience. And I am super proud of him. They absolutely loved his showreel and were very complimentary. Have I mentioned that I am proud of him?

• Dharma has been a little star this week, very well-behaved and a real pleasure to be with.

• I did some great window shopping yesterday.Window shopping is great fun if you free yourself from the thought of wanting to buy it. Just try an admire stuff because it’s lovely.

• I lost another kilo, which brings my total weight loss to 7.7 kg in 7 weeks.

• I took pictures of my first neighbour as part of my photography project. I will continue my project despite not being able to go to class now that  Anthony is away. I do it for myself.

• I’ve been chatting so much with random strangers it’s untrue. It’s lovely because I think that they go away a bit happier than before.

• I am thankful for the Charter of Compassion

• Thankful for walking places, I am 10 minute walk away from a lovely cafe, shops for daily needs. I can catch a bus an am in the city centre in 20 minutes. There is a wonderful park 5 minutes away and several other wonderful parks easily reachable by bus. It is important to look at all the positives aspects of where you live. And now that I am becoming more and more certain that our days here are numbered I want to take it all in.

• Reminding myself to be kind. Even when someone winds me up. I want to be kind. I am thankful for the constant reminder in my diary when I open the first page there it says: I am kind to everyone – in thought and action. I am not there yet, but I am trying. And sometimes you just have to thank yourself for trying. It’s like a stage show. You don’t start with opening night, no you rehearse a long time, things go wrong, you have to start over …

• Thankful for realizing that I can really do anything I want to do. I can achieve anything I want to. Work hard. Believe. Trust.

• My business website getting there. It’s almost finished. Some design tweaks, some re-writes, some more photos.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

 

Love Thursday: Impromptu Dancing November 19, 2009

Dharma doing some impromptu dancing in the park on Tuesday!

You know, I think it’s inevitable to have days where you just feel a bit (or a lot) “meh”. Everything irritates you, everyone seems to be out to get you, stuff just won’t work the way it should etc.

What used to happen to me on days like this is that I would just spiral downwards. Until I hit that proverbial rock bottom. I could only see the negative. I could even give something totally positive a negative spin. Oh yes, I was quite good at that.

And then I decided to no longer do that. And now I am becoming quite good at that. However, there are still days when things get to me and I will get irritated or someone annoys me. The difference is now though I won’t let it control me but in turn control it.

And that’s where the impromptu dancing comes in. I have a playlist on my Ipod called HAPPY TUNES. I put it on and dance. Dharma joins in too and usually the bad mood dissolves into a fit of giggles and we have a full blown party. So much so that Dharma has taken to dancing whenever she feels like it. And isn’t funny that as soon as you feel happy again you cannot really remember why the stuff you felt so bad about only a moment ago was such a big deal anyway.

My Happy Tunes list includes the following (in case you wondered), not the whole list just a selection:

Black Eye Peas – I gotta feeling

Ingrid Michaelson – You and I

Jason Mraz – I’m Yours

Zweiraumwohnung – Nimm mich mit

Van Morrison – Brown Eyed Girl

The Cure – Close to Me

The Clash – Rock the Casbah

Six Pence None The richer – Kiss me

Love Thursday is inspired by Chookooloonks

Overcoming the mind of attachment November 18, 2009

Last night’s meditation class was all about the mind of attachment.

As the Buddhist Nun started talking about the mind of attachment, I could feel myself get totally defensive to start of with. She gave us the example: You had a really bad day, maybe the boss has been bugging you, things just weren’t going your way etc and then you walk past Greggs and you see the jam doughnuts and you think: “I buy a jam doughnut, it will make me feel better.” You get in the queue and you really begin to need that jam doughnut and then when it’s finally your turn the person in front of you has just bought the last one. Anger rises up in you towards the person, the situation, towards Greggs etc. We’ve built up that jam doughnut into the “solution” that will make our rubbish day better, however, it is just a plaster and once you had the doughnut all the stuff you were struggeling with are still there. Plus, you might feel guilty for eating the doughnut.

It all comes back to the fact that no external cause can truly make you happy as happiness comes from within. There is no point in giving up objects either, because even if we lived in a cave we would probably think: If I only touch the rock it will make me feel better.

Now, I have a very well development mind of attachment. Like I will think, oh I have a glass of wine and all will be good. Nothing wrong with having a glass of wine but it cannot make undone how I reacted to things happening in the day. E.g. before writing this post: I spilt a whole cup of coffee over the sofa. I chose to just clean it up and let it go. I actually laughed because it seems that ever since we got a sofa cover it is more in the wash than out. So I just let it go. Now, a while ago, something like this would have me searching the house for chocolate. The event would have stressed me out so much I would have needed chocolate to make me feel better.

I was all “big light bulb moment”. Powerful stuff this meditation class. Powerful stuff.

Afternoon in the park November 17, 2009

I took the Nikon D40 for an outing to a park today. And Dharma came too.

 

Meatfree Monday November 16, 2009

Forgive me. I don’t want to give you a bad concience on a Monday morning. And so I am trying to keep this positive.

I have been vegetarian for many years and obviously it is something that is dear to my heart. Still, I am not one who believes in converting other people to become vegetarian, too. I know that being vegetarian is a conviction that most people cannot or will not make.

It is funny how people always assume that I don’t like meat and fish just because I am a vegetarian. Trust me, I absolutely loved it. Whenever, someone learns that I am vegetarian, they will immediately and eagerly tell me: “Oh, I do like my meat.” Yes, I get it, I didn’t stop eating it because I hated meat. In the beginning, that really irritated me, now I know that vegetarianism just brings out the defense mechanism in people. For reasons, I don’t have a clue about.

My reasons for being vegetarian are simple: I love animals, I could never slaughter an animal (and yes I know you buy your meat from the supermarket and you don’t have to slaugther yourself, but just because we are so far removed from the source of food it’s still a valid point to me) and I absolutely abhor the way animals are kept. Seriously, if it’s cheap meat the animal had a bad life. If you say you love animals then buy organic or free range or sustainable. Cows are animals too. And so are chicken. And fish. Anything really that requires killing to be eaten, anything that has a life has the right to have the best life possible.

So, I am not saying go vegetarian. This is a choice thing but I do have this dream that people would just eat less meat. Like the Meat Free Monday idea. Just one day a week without meat. Surely, this must be possible. When I grew up we only had meat about twice or three times a week as meat was very expensive (despite my uncle being a butcher).

Just think of the advantages:

- Eating more vegetables is certainly good for your health.

- Meat production is the number 1 reson for climate change, emitting more greenhouse gases than transport

- Cost, it’s far cheaper to make a healthy veggie dish than a meat dish.

So how about you cook a potato and cauliflower curry tonight, with naans and rice. Or vegetable stir fry with yummy noodles? Or a nice risotto with some lovely mushrooms? Or a vegetable lasagne?

It’s only one day a week. One day a week that makes a huge difference. Are you in?

 

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Self-fullfilling prophecies November 15, 2009

Since Friday, I got the bug that Anthony and Dharma had. One of the biggest challenge as a mother is to be ill and your child is not. Even if you strip down what you got to do to the bare minimum it will still leave you with having to at least fix food, drinks, empty the potty and clean it and feed the cats. When your temperature is almost 39, that is a challenge to say the least.

For Saturday night, Anthony had planned to go down to Bristol to see his friends for ages, the amount of effort to set up the get together had been bordering on the ridiculous, so I really wanted him to go. He needed this get away. And I know that if I had asked him, he would have stayed home willingly.

The thing what I dread the most about Anthony going away is that every single time it is a nightmare with Dharma’s bedtime. And last night was no difference. It was awful. I cried (not in front of her). She screamed.

I thought, I let her have a bath, because she loves it and then it all will be plain sailing. She went into bed ok. I went downstairs and thought: uf. And then I could hear the cries. So I went back in. I went in another 40 times last night. I was well beyond the point of exhaustion. Feeling ill, splitting headache and grumbly tummy, all I wanted to do was to go to bed. She finally settled at 10 pm, after 3 1/2 hours.

Demands were:

- I want to sleep in Mummy’s bed

- I want Mummy’s blanket

- I want a drink

- I want a hat

- Bunny needs a wee

- I want to go on holiday

- I need a Daddy cuddle

- I hurt I need medicine

- My back is itchy

and so on.

Read this morning quite funny. It is important to stress that I don’t give in to ANY demands. Trust me, I tried it and I know it doesn’t work, because as soon as you fulfill one she has another one on the go. So you might as well say no from the start. I don’t think it makes any difference.

Last night, I started to think though if the reason that it is so awful bedtime wise when Anthony is away because I EXPECT it to be bad. I mean I had anxiety all afternoon about it. All I wanted was for her to go to bed. So I could go to bed. But I was anxious thinking that she will make a fuss, it won’t be easy. I am starting to think that a lot of times I am making stuff happen because simply I think it’s going to be difficult.

I wonder what would happen if I truly believed that it was going to be a breeze. That she will sleep all night. Go to bed easily, sleep til 7. or 8. What would happen if I managed to actually and truly believe it? Hm, I guess this might be worth a try.

To Sleep – by John Keats November 14, 2009

As to sleep is what I would really love to do right now, here a little ode to sleep by dear John Keats, a poet I fall in and out of love with on a regular basis. “O soothest sleep”… yep, John, right there behind you.

To Sleep

>> John Keats <<

O soft embalmer of the still midnight!
Shutting, with careful fingers and benign,
Our gloom-pleas’d eyes, embower’d from the light,
Enshaded in forgetfulness divine;
O soothest Sleep! if so it please thee, close,
In midst of this thine hymn, my willing eyes.
Or wait the Amen, ere thy poppy throws
Around my bed its lulling charities;
Then save me, or the passed day will shine
Upon my pillow, breeding many woes;
Save me from curious conscience, that still hoards
Its strength for darkness, burrowing like a mole;
Turn the key deftly in the oiled wards,
And seal the hushed casket of my soul.

Thankful Friday: Dancing in the rain November 13, 2009

Another of our rainy day activities: painting

It looks like the rain is here to stay for a while so we might as well make the best of it. Thursday afternoon was spent by Dharma and me peeling off the paper of wax crayons, especially those broken ones and sorting them in colours, we then put them in paper muffin cases, which in turn went into the muffin tray and then in the oven. We melted them and then let them set. Dharma loved all of it. And we now have wonderful round wax circle crayons that can go in the party bags. Result.

After a spell of colds of washing through the family here, I am glad to report and very thankful that we are all on the mend.

Lots of things to be thankful for this week.

- Olympus M10 that my mother in law gave me had a good workout this week:)

- I did ask 2 of my neighbours to participate in photo project  and they said YES

- I went to meditation and loved it, have been medidating yesterday by myself and it feels wonderful

- I discovered that sometimes going for the lazy dinner option is the way forward and I am thankful for the insight

- Dharma making me laugh with all the poo related incidents (won’t go into detail, just ask my husband if you want to know)  and her funny comments (e.g. Daddy has an iPhone and iPhones are the best)

- having just the right amount of work this week

- being able to be a part in getting Mama Lucy to the European Summit

- for so many people smiling back at me and having conversations with random strangers

- for my local cafe having their christmas tree up so I can finish taking the pictures for my Xmas cards

- for music, nothing gets me out of a slump quicker than a bit of a tune

- for car pools to get to music and gymnastic classes

- for the heating as it has gone so cold

- for being told the sentence “Just let it go” as I need to hear that often

- for being kind to someone I have a weird relationship with (for no reason) and really, really meaning the kindness

- for being in Christmas spirit despite it being November. It’s not a bad thing Christmas spirit you know.

- for being a geek in lots of ways and loving it. Every team needs a geek, our team has two and a third in the making. Long life the geek.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Love Thursday: Change the world by making one dream true November 12, 2009

Ok, this is a totally different love Thursday than normal. Or maybe it isn’t. Well, judge for yourself.

If I told you that you could make some person’s dream come true. In actual fact, you could make a whole community’s dream come true. Would you be in on it? Yes?

Because, I cannot write it any better I just copy Jen Lemen’s words, I am sure she won’t mind on this occassion:

Because Her Voice Needs to Be Heard

What happens when the world stops to listen to the very people who know what it takes to make a difference? What happens when we value their wisdom enough to say yes to their dreams, yes to their voice, yes to their right to be respected and heard?

Join me and my friends at the European Summit for Global Transformation as we pool our resources and dig deep to make sure Lucy Kamptoni has a place at the table.

This amazing woman has helped found a successful NGO specializing in pulling the poorest of the poor out of poverty and into self-sustaining business. She’s founded a thriving, happy school that started in a cleaned out chicken coop in her own backyard. And now she’s creating a heaven on earth for orphans who need a place to be loved.

Her stories about how changemakers can succeed with love and perserverance is one the world needs to hear. Her visas are coming in at the last second as if by a miracle. All that’s left is her airfare and travel from Arusha, Tanzania? Will you help send Mama Lucy to the Summit?

I know times are hard, money is tight, but if you can only donate £1 and maybe tell someone else to donate £1 too. Well, that would make two pounds and then the person tells someone else… well, I guess you catch my drift.

Can you imagine, how wonderful it would feel that you were a part in making Mama Lucy’s dream come true? Have I ever mentioned that I believe that if you make a person’s dream come true it’s magic?

Now, money is tight for us too at the moment as my husband has still not been paid. But we did a bit and lots of little bits make a lot. I feel it is important that we acknowledge people like Mama Lucy and that we make it happen to have her tell us the story. So please if you can “chip in”.

Thanks and Happy Love Thursday.

Love Thursday is inspired by chookooloonks

And all was calm November 11, 2009

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I decided to take up meditation. The main reason is that I want to find a way to go “shush” to my over-active brain and also to calm myself when I feel a wave of negativity coming over me. No matter how dedicated you are to be happy there will always be things that are getting to you, people that just know how to push your buttons and well, listening to the news often does my head in, too.

When I searched for a meditation class the first link I clicked on was the one I went for, simply it fitted, 5 week course, close enough at a time to suit and the description just captured me immediately: “…increase our inner resources and ability to cope with life’s challenges…….”
The course is held by the Kadampa Buddhist Centre and follows the Mahayana Buddhist Tradition of teachings. Trust me, you do not need to be a Buddhist or become a Buddhist to do meditation at one of their centres. The great thing about Buddhism is they welcome YOU! No matter who you are, what you believe in, your background, your problems. Well, they simply believe that everyone is kind, so everyone is welcome. I absolutely love this notion of Buddhism.

What immediately struck me when entering the room was the mix of people. I always find this amazing when I go to things like that and I am struck by “how normal” everyone is (and I mean this in the nicest possible way). A room full of chairs (I was expecting cushions), a picture of Buddha at the front, people of all ages (Father with 14 year old daughter! I hope Anthony will be doing stuff like this with Dharma at some point, it really touched my heart). The Buddhist Nun who runs the course started by saying that this course is held in a very similar if not exact fashion all over the world – probably right now and that it is so wonderful to know that people come and look for peace.

It started with an opening breathing meditation. She talked us through relaxing all parts of our body and yes, I did feel a bit self-concious, but I told myself: Meditation like anything you take up needs practice! I just relaxed and once we opened our eyes again, I felt really calm.

She then talked about how we often feel that if we could just change XYZ then we would be happy. Like if you had the promotion and were your boss’ boss then all would be good. We are constantly re-arranging the chess pieces on our chess game of life to achieve happiness yet without inner happiness and peace of mind, nothing come from outside will ever make us happy.

We discussed this a bit in smaller groups and one of the women has been going to the group for several months (she just restarts the class) and said that it changed her anxiety ridden life for the better. She is a musician and music teacher and felt that she just couldn’t cope with the stress but now “I just let it go”. Loved that. Just let it go.

We then did a final meditation which was a mindfulness meditation about inner happiness. This left me so calm and totally amazed. How can the simple act of closing your eyes, sitting with your back straight and listening to someone talk leave you so utterly, utterly relaxed?

I guess it’s a bit like with electricity, I don’t need to know how it works, but I am glad it does.